Issue #1 "Album I Love"

Tom Waits - "Rain Dogs" released 1985 on Island Records –

Today I was cruising around running various errands unemployed people run (getting cotton balls for my fiancé and a cheap vcr from Craig's List for myself if you're wondering) listening to my ipod when
" Union Square" by Tom Waits came on. As I often think whenever a song from Rain Dogs comes on, "holy crap this is a great album".  Tom Waits as you may or may not know is an acquired taste. He's got a gravely voice and loves macabre subject matter and often employs creepy circus/carnival instrumentation to recite said macabre gravelly tirades over. This is one of his more accessible albums which still aren’t to say that many will care for it. It was a favorite of mine to put on during my brief stint working at the Hot Topic in Woodbridge Center back at the turn of the century.  To watch the confusion and annoyance of the younger patrons wondering why we didn't just put on more nu-metal or emo teeny bopper pinup bubblegum what have you, which were sadly the two most prevalent genres at the time? This was the first album by Tom Waits I bought. Like most people of my generation my first introduction to him was seeing the video for "I Don't Want to grow Up" (famously covered by The Ramones) on Beavis and Butthead. Shortly after that I noticed an album by the same guy within my Dad's cd collection. It was 1973's live album "Nighthawks at The Diner" (also flawless and worth owning, but that's for another time). Upon one of the many visits I would make to the no longer existing CD World at Menlo Park Mall back during that time because of their expansive used section and seemingly random selection of non-used albums to put on sale for under $10 I found "Rain Dogs" for the too good to pass up price of $6.98 and it's one of the wisest purchases I've ever made. The opening track "Singapore" has been one of my favorite mixtape/playlist staples ever since.  Other favorites include the closer "Anywhere I Lay My Head" with it's New Orleans jazz funeral outro, the title track "Rain Dogs" featuring the unmistakable staccato guitaring of Mark Ribot, country song it's okay to admit liking "Blind Love" and the almost impossible to classify genre-wise trifecta of "Tango Til They're Sore", "Cemetery Polka" and "Jockey Full Of Bourbon". This album also contains "Downtown Train" which Waits is the original writer of. It's a far cry from the more polished but much less soulful version popularized by Rod Stewart. If you love things you get to describe using words like quirky, atmospheric and peculiar, then odds are you'll love this album. And if for some reason you don't, somebody that's fortunate enough to find it in the used bin after your giving up on it surely will.
Scruff Cardinale                                                                                              

Issue #1 Post No Bills Interview

This interview took place in PNoB’s jam spot, which is at Eric’s house in the middle of fucking nowhere, during one of their practices.

LP: So I like your guys jam spot, I also like how you have to pass the police station to leave, how ya’ll feel about that?

E: I don’t

S: Pshhh

B: I go out the other way

S: I pass the police station

LP: Yea, I’m gonna pass it too.  Can I get another beer, speaking of passing the police station?  Anyway, how bout Johnny Vena playing some “Cold Nights” the other night?

B: That’s some shit I’ve seen pictures of.  I wish there was video cuz I don’t remember it.  I was pretty drunk.

LP: I was pretty drunk too, but I kinda remember it sounding good.  Do you think he sits at home, practices and waits for the call to play?

B: Well his equipment’s been here for like 2 ½ years, so he’s been practicing hard.

LP: Now since we (the STD’s) have Bobby playing drums and were an even 4 on 4, what’s up with some band competitions? 

E: Like Modern Warfare?

B: Can we have weed Olympics.  Me vs. all the STD’s.

LP: Like a drinking contest.

E: How bout like a drunken song off.  We could have the contest before a show.

B: We could play a song every 5 shots.  Someone gotta drive me around that day.

LP: It’s gotta be at a place we can sleep at.  I guess we should open it up to all 4 piece bands.  The challenge goes out.

E: We should just have beer Olympics on the way to Ohio

S: No puking in the van

B: We’ll get a bucket and throw it out the window.  We can see which band can puke the most

I: No, but before that trip I’m really getting a van from work, drilling a hole in the floor and putting a funnel.

S: We gotta drill a bigger hole, with a seat, and we can put a door…

I: You just wanna shit.  No shitting in the van.

B: I just really want to see Scotty’s shit hit the ground while driving on the highway

E: We should drink the same amount and see who could hold their piss the longest.

LP: I hear that you should not play that cuz you had to piss every 20 miles on last year’s tour.  That’s good though because I gotta piss all the time.  We’re gonna be stopping a lot on tour.

I: No stopping, just kneel down and pee in the funnel.

E: I one time held me pee for 3 hours and when I got out of the car I could barely walk.

LP: Great story Eric.  So there are 8 of us going to Ohio.  Who’s the first to snap?  What’s the over/under on the mileage?  I say it’s Slagle before we even leave the area code.

B: Last year we bet Eric and we were right.  Team Post No Bills I bet Eric, Team STD its Slagle.

Everyone: Yea, I got Slagle

I: It’s not fair cuz you could push someone to snap

E: I don’t know, last year you (Ian) snapped pretty good. 

LP: What over the foot snuggling?

E: I would just bring it up and Ian would be all “I didn’t fucking foot snuggle!”

I: That was after like 3 days of it though.

B: You and Dave both snapped in DC.  You were like “We’re going home NOW!”

E: It was in Rockport or Rockville, MD, you and Dave “Where are the bars, where are the fucking good bars?”

I: That place with the shitty pizza place?

B: That was Maryland? I thought it was Virginia.  I didn’t know what state I was in.  That was the day I walked around with a bottle of Jameson.  Yea, that day never happened.

LP: Sounds like a pretty forgetful day.  That’s how I want our tour to go.  I wanna remember leaving and possibly, possibly pulling back in.

I: It was pretty intense.

E: You wanna at least remember getting to Skatetopia

S: I have a scar to remember Skatetopia.

E: When you fell?

S: When I tripped and fell to 10 feet backwards down a hill onto my back

E: I was just laughing.  I got a Skatetopia long sleeve to remember it.

B: We didn’t skate at Skatetopia and we still had 2 injuries

LP: You guys wanna talk quickly about your CD Welcome To Rockbottom?

B: I made to cover say Wecome To Rockbottom

LP: How did that happen?

B: I printed up a copy, everyone glanced at it said “OK” so I ok’d it.

1,000 copies later, we realized it.

E: I brought it to Immortal Ink and my ex was like “um… did you guys see this?

LP: You guys didn’t even notice?

B: We had had them for a couple of hours.  It was right everywhere else.  Fuck it, I reprinted 1,000 copies and stuffed ‘em.  The covers came out better anyway.

LP: Fuck it it’s over now.  The CD looks good, sounds good, y’all had and awesome release show so, Fuck it.  Anyway, any thanks going out?

S: I gotta thank Lindsey

B: Scotty’s trying to get laid off an interview.  I gotta thank Josh Kohn from Immortal Ink.  Thanks Josh

I: Thanks Sam from Killers and Saints

LP: Well thanks to you guys for your time

Issue #1 Love/Hate List

LOVE/HATE LIST

There’s a thin line between love and hate but these things fall way to the left or right of that line.

Love:

1)My Girlfriend-It’s gay & I’ll

get made fun of it but I don’t care.

She’s hot, cool, & let’s me get away

with being drunk, ALOT.  A real

keeper in my book.

2)The Perfect Poo-You go to wipe &

there’s nothing there.  It’s like magic.

3)Eagles-Bald, screaming, or

even the Philadelphia version

are all cool by me.  A badass

bird, an awesome logo and

a sign of American pride.  KAW!

Hate:

1)Your girlfriend-Shut her up already.

I don’t bang her so I don’t want to

hear her.  Plus she’s got big tits I

can’t help but stare at and besides

that, you’re a douche bag that

doesn’t deserve her.

2)The 2 shower shit-It’s disgusting.

it breaks off wrong and you need

a whole roll of toilet paper & two

showers to clean up from it.  GROSS!

3)The Eagles-Don Henley & crew can

kiss it.  “Desperado” is gay, “Witchy

Woman” sucks and I want to burn

Down the “Hotel California”.  Hopefully

They live there “Life in The Fast Lane”

And get hit by a speeding bus.