Hot Chick Movie Review

Recently I saw the movies Sucker Punch and Whip It, 2 movies my girlfriend and I wanted to see.  I was excited about both of the movies because the casts were loaded with a bunch of hot actresses so how bad could they really be, right?  I mean I've sat though Jawbreaker a couple of time just to watch Rose McGowand and that Gayheart girl, just because I think they're hot.  So if these movies have any plot they shouldn't be so bad.  My opinion of these 2 movies could not have been more different though.  This is what I though of these flicks:

Whip It - Drew Barrymore, Ellen Page and Juliette Lewis are hot enough to make just about any movie watchable.  Throw in Eve, the drunk chick from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Maeby from Arrested Development( What can I say I like her freckles), and a career stunt girl(she doubled for Uma in Kill Bill) and you got yourself a cast.  I'm not gonna lie, I really liked this movie.  The girls all got funny names, like Smashley Simpson from the Hurl Scouts squad and Eva Destruction from the Holy Rollers.  Jimmy Fallon and Daniel Stern (from Home Alone) are also good, plus, I found out that there's a 3rd Wilson brother and he's even funny in it.  It's also got a decent plot, pretty good soundtrack and it's kinda a girl power flick so your girl will probably even like it.  Even the anoying chick from SNL that I can't stand (Kristen Wiig) isn't anoying.  This movie is definatly worth a rental and the time it takes to watch the movie.

Sucker Punch - This movie ISN'T even worth a $1 Redbox rental or the time it takes to sit though it.  Sucker Punch?  That's what this movie did to me.  I remember the comercials and it looked like some blonde chick dressed like a school girl fucking shit up with swords and guns and shit.  I can sit thru 2 hours of that, well,  at least that's what I thought.  The fight scenes are lame and the plot makes no sense.  I've seen cartoons with a more sensical plot.  This movie was a XXX sex scene away from being a porn.  Actually I think most porn I've watched has had better plot lines and acting.  Oh yeah, the acting is terrible also.  Real terrible.  Even hot ass Carla Cugino, who plays some old Russian bag, looks like an idiot in this flick.  Corky from Life Goes On could have directed a better movie.  The cast of girls is really hot, but if you wanna watch something with hot chicks that makes no sense I suggest your local Spanish station.  Don't see this movie. 

Issue #5- Movie of the Year



I’ll give you 3 good reasons why Machete was the movie of the year.

1.       Jessica Alba naked in the shower.  Now you don’t get any full frontal, but there’s a ton of side boob and shiny skin.  I mean, if she can make Good Luck Chuck and Into the Blue watchable she can make this movie great.

2.       Lindsey Lohan bare chested.  Okay, her tits are mostly covered by her hair, but I swear I saw some nipple in there.

3.       Danny Trejo as the star.  He’s got jailhouse tattoos and scarred up face but he also finally got a leading role and he was fucking awesome in it.

Need some more reasons to see it, well, how about the director Robert Rodriguez.  He’s a great director and this is his best movie yet.  Or how about the cast.  Besides Alba and Lohan, there’s also the lawnmower man Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal (and his terrible Spanish ascent), Don Johnson, a superhot Michelle Rodriguez, and Bobby De Niro.  If that’s not enough, there’s also blood and guts, drinking and drugging, and tits and ass.  Plus, the movies pretty funny too (especially the “Machete doesn’t text” line).  I feel a lot of people slept on this movie in the theatre.  Don’t sleep on the DVD.  You heard it here.  Movie of the year.